I didn’t realize this until recently, but CLW completely demolished the walls I had in place. Walls I didn’t even know existed.
I’m 29 years old now. When I was in elementary I was a very active, outgoing lil kid who was really into music. I was taking piano lessons…in the school choir and church choir, taking saxophone lessons and performing at church and school plays.
I was also getting fat during that time. I look back and I believe it was due to a feeling of loneliness and isolation which led me to consuming sugar and flour products to avoid that feeling, which then led me to gaining weight pretty fast. There were about 4 people who really made it bad for me during elementary school with excessive teasing…so it was at that point I shut down. I tried to hide the real me so I didn’t have to deal with the persistent teasing and stuck feeling I felt because I couldn’t make it stop. During that time I made a decision to put up walls to block people out…and those walls followed me all the way to adulthood.
No more walls
I feel that…life is about to get waaaaay more fun…because people make it fun. There’s only so much fun you can have alone. My walls are down. I’m a part of three coaching programs, a mastermind group and a beautiful 12-step fellowship. I invite people in now. People of all shapes, sizes, ages, genders are all welcome. If you’re reading this (and you’re not a troll) you’re invited too!
Just the fact that I have the energy and space to work on outside projects is something I’m thankful for.
This was a quote from an article I wrote on March 31, 2017 called The Transition Out of a Job.
I’m aware that you get more of what you are thankful for. I find it pretty funny I was thankful for the energy and space to work on outside projects and I just got a hell of a lot more time and space to work on outside projects. Getting laid off is one way to transition out of a job you don’t like.
“I have to be productive” vs The Creator
A week after being laid off, I was internally beating myself up quite a bit over not feeling or being productive. The next day I watched part of a video on Super Accelerated Living. After watching that video I was feeling there was a mismatch between his attitude and my attitude, but I couldn’t put my finger on what the exact mismatch was. Eventually I realized the mismatch is in the statement “I have to be productive” that had been running as a constant loop in my mind. Nobody has to do anything except die!
The kid in anyone never says to himself “I have to be productive” or “I need to be productive” or “I should be productive”. He just creates. His/her natural state is a creator. “I have to be productive” seems like a left-over slave mentality that comes from a job mindset.
A look back at the last three weeks
When I sit back and evaluate how life has gone these past 3 weeks, the good outweighs the bad by a ton.
- Not having to wake up at the same time every day in the morning
- Technically I still do have to make a sponsor call at 6AM every day, but I actually like doing that…also many times I go back to sleep after that call. As far as work is concerned, I did not like waking up knowing I was going to spend about 7.5 hours in a box doing repetitive busy work. I would procrastinate and prolong sleep as long as I possibly could to avoid doing it.
- Not having to play stupid office games
- There were employees who would really go far to keep their jobs, and many times I would get thrown under the bus for no good reason so they didn’t get yelled at or disciplined by people “above” them. To me there were so many silly games and incongruence with what people said and what actually happened it almost felt like a joke…and I was a participant in it.
- No cubicles
- This alone makes me wonder why I took this job in the first place. I’m a more expressive guy than when I took this job, so when I would go to express myself at this job there’d be this cubicle in the way.
- I can be my authentic self and not filter anything
- To me, there was this invisible pressure to get along with people, since we were there for most of the day. I always felt things should be professional in a professional environment. I question “professional” now. What does that even mean?
- I notice life outside of the office
- I notice the birds singing and the plants…I was in my head in my job so much and stayed in my head even while I was outside of my job. There’s an ease to the day when everyone is at school and work in a big city.
- Finances – I’m not bringing in as much money as I was with my job. There’s still unemployment pay but it’s not going to be as much, and it hasn’t kicked in yet. This is the only negative.
While I am feeling the impact of that one negative, I can’t say that I’d trade that one negative in for all the good I’ve listed above. I absolutely love this freedom. It’s probably the calmest and most peaceful time I’ve had in my life.
Everyone can think of something they would like to do. A common excuse for not actually doing it is “I can’t afford it”. This was an excuse I used for almost any big event I wanted to attend. I CAN’T AFFORD IT would immediately delete my deepest desires.
I had a very real experience of overcoming that during the Conscious Life Workshop. By my account I could not afford to attend that workshop. With the costs of buying a round trip plane ticket + the hotel/room expenses + the cost of the actual workshop I didn’t know how I could afford it.
Looking back, I would say that my desire to go overrode my financial situation and I found a way. I remember Robert Kiyosaki saying to not give up after thinking “I can’t afford it”, but instead to ask yourself the question “how can I afford it?”. There was tremendous confidence in knowing that I fought and changed my life around to be able to afford that workshop. I demanded a higher paying job because my original job had me living paycheck to paycheck. I pawned some of my possesions! I fought to afford it. The whole experience made me value it more. Because I fought so hard to attend it, I wanted to squeeze as much value out of it as possible.
That experience shifted the way I do things now. It might have changed my beliefs permenenantly. If I want to do something, and brings up some fear in me, I don’t automatically decline it. I face it head first and I don’t think about the cost anymore. I figure it’s a growth experience in itself to be able to find the money to do whatever that desire is. I feel as though my lifestyle and my desires lead the way instead of money being the master and stopping everything.
When you think about it, you want the money to follow you right? The money isn’t the leader, you are. Let the lifestyle you want to have lead the way and have money be your servant. When you say “I can’t afford it” or any other feeble excuse you use to deny your desires, you allow the excuse to determine what you can and can’t do. The excuse is your master.
This doesn’t mean spending money you don’t have. It means pushing past your comfort zone to acquire the money or to overcome whatever excuse you’re using at the moment to stop you from that which you desire.
This has been tough. I am not the same person I was when I signed up for this job. When I signed up for my first data entry position, I was primarily looking for a job. Looking to earn an income.
When I signed up for this particular job I was a person who wanted to isolate myself and eat. This job is very well aligned for that. There’s a cubicle so when you want to express yourself there’s a wall there to receive everything you have to say. There order an abundance of junk food all the time for anyone to consume and are always encouraging you to eat it.
I’m seeing I can’t really be myself here and that aggrivates me to no end. If I was myself, I believe I would be fired pretty fast. Nothing I want to say is appropriate for the job. Subconsciously I might have decided to work on things that were not aligned with any typical job on purpose.
Just the fact that I have the energy and space to work on outside projects is something I’m thankful for.
If you want to transition out of a typical job, sales is pretty much the primary skill that needs to be learned. You work at a company because the company generates sales…enough to pay you wages. If there is no sales, there’s no business to work at. If you can sell enough on your own of your own products or someone else’s products you can live a way more free lifestyle. Yesterday I received a small royalty payment. It was from SALES. Learning how to market and sell and get value into people hands is the direction I am walking in.
So far..in hindsight…the things that I’ve been most afraid to do (but still faced) have helped me grow the most.
I was afraid to live with strangers of a completely different culture, but it helped me grow so much. The biggest lessons for me were how different men who grew up with fathers were. If a man had an active father around it usually gave them advantages they didn’t even know they had. I also remember this is where I learned that I could always contribute to society. There’s some way I can get paid for work I do.
I was afraid to perform. When I faced that fear I realized how much people enjoyed it….and as I kept performing I gained more insights from it. I learned the more relaxed I am, the better the music comes out and the more people can feel the relaxation too.
I was afraid to put myself out there in the Conscious Life Workshop. We put out a lot of personal information. Our shames…our regrets…Lord I appreciate it all because it’s changed my life for the better. I was also a little afraid to travel, but that stretched me out.
I was deathly afraid of walking through the doors of a 12-step program for food addiction. I remember planning to go to a meeting and not having a clue what was going to happen…how it would be set up…. how many people would be there…what my role as a newcomer would be…Lots of uncertainty…but something about going there felt like the next step I needed to take. Even after going in the meeting when they said “We abstain from eating sugar and flour” I ran for the hills. I didn’t go to another meeting for 3 years! But in the back of my mind I knew it was the right thing to do…so I faced it after coming out of the Conscious Life Workshop.
Whatever you Fear you Must Face
Maybe we should find something that stirs our soul and makes us have lots of butterflies in our stomachs. That just might be where the real growth is.
I just attended another amazing food addicts meeting last night. It is impossible to miss the fact that I can see beyond a woman’s physical body. It really does amaze me. I see RIGHT past it. This was NOT the norm for me. I loved seeing a woman’s body and I still do…don’t get me wrong. But their physical body does not carry the weight it used to for me.
The Food Addicts meeting I go to are largely women…and it was uncomfortable at first, but the program forces you to do what’s uncomfortable. What is comfortable and known to you has gotten you to the life you have. If you are fed up with an area (or multiple areas) of life then you probably will have to be uncomfortable in that area to move beyond the level you’re at.
I have to talk to women. I have to make calls to women. I have to listen to women every single meeeting. I can’t isolate myself. As I’m writing this, I realize I’ve become way better at listening to women because I have to if I want to be and stay in a right size body.
I know that usually if something is uncomfortable to me, that’s where I probably need to be. Growth will naturally happen by spending lots of time OUTSIDE your comfort zone.
These have been some of the deepest connections I have had with anyone. Imagine sharing your deepest shame with a team of people and having lots of support and tools for healing and recovering from that shame. Imagine having a TEAM of people who already have exactly what you want and helping you out. I am super thankful I was a part of this program and will forever feel gratitude for all the members who I’ve come in contact with. Thank you!
I feel like an animal now! In hindsight, I’m assuming I feel like an animal now because I used to numb everything I was feeling with flour and sugar. Without flour and sugar I can feel my senses more vividly. I am sharper and the clarity of mind is amazing. I am more in tune with my instincts and intuition. My mental clarity is by far the biggest benefit yet even over the pounds I’m shedding.
I KNOW – I keep mentioning flour and sugar! But the absence of it from my diet has been so transformational.
I actually did feel like an animal before. I felt like a bear. I would store all the food I was eating and immediately want to hibernate. I would also isolate myself a lot and really look to the food for comfort and companionship. I would always see pictures of people having fun out with friends and family and silently say to myself “that’s great they had that experience. I don’t need people though because I’ve got food!”.
Now I feel more like a wolf…or a lion (that would make sense because I’m a Leo). I feel like food is there for me to survive, but the rest of my life is mine to mold and shape how I see fit. It doesn’t occupy my mind all day every day like it used to.
My sex drive has gone through the roof. I want to screw everything now 🙂 but I digress…
The job I work in
I am more honest and expressive and I don’t hold things in anymore. Why should I? At my job I get angry with bullshit. Instead of eating over it I express that anger. Things have actually gotten better at the job because of it too. We’ve fixed some major problems. I do wonder…how long can you keep a lion in a box (the cubicle I’m in). I have no idea where I’m going after this job but I feel it’s fading because the person I came in here as is not the person I am today. I don’t know if this job can handle the real me. Maybe it’s just not a good fit anymore.
If there’s one thing that all the financial books I’ve read have taught me, it’s to invest in assets – whatever those assets are.
What are assets?
I like Robert Kiyosaki’s whole approach to making money and building assets. I love the simplicity of his definition of assets. “Assets put money in your pockets…Liabilities take money out“. The beauty of assets is once you get them going they do work for you, freeing up your time if you set them up correctly. For a person who’s been working for money for a long period of time (me!) that is music to the ears.
Attending CLW helped me bring this to the forefront. Before this it was hard to get a grasp on how assets could really help you earn a living. I had to be there and actually see people live a very light life financially because of them. That light vibe I felt around money really did something to me and caused some type of shift in me. I couldn’t wait to start building assets – specifically online assets. I’ve managed to complete 2 ebooks and an audio book since then. I realize it’s going to take time and learning to build them up enough so that I can leave my job now, but I feel it will be worth the wait and effort.
Cash Flow is an app in the Google Play Store. I’ve been playing that game for years and not really understanding all the details behind it until I got out of the workshop. The REAL goal of the game is to get out of the rat race by investing your money in assets. When I played that game it would always take me forever to get out of the rat race. Today I can get out of the rat race VERY fast in that game. NOW LET’S TRANSFER THAT TO REAL LIFE! More assets!
I attended the Conscious Life Workshop held by Steve Pavlina on October 14, 2016 in Las Vegas Nevada. This was an event focused on funding a lifestyle of your own design. What a beautiful, impactful event that was and I am grateful I had the courage and resourcefullness to go. I met some incredible people and many of us still talk today.
I look back and smile and realize that my growth shifts actually started before that event. This wasn’t the first time he had run this event, and the first time I looked at it and said to myself “I can’t afford it”, accepted that and moved on. When it rolled around again, I remembered how I felt the first time I passed on it and I didn’t want to feel like that again, so I went above and beyond to pay to attend the event and to pay for the flight. I didn’t have any prior plans or reservations to stay anywhere when I showed up (lesson learned!).
The workshop did not go like I thought it would go. I thought Steve Pavlina was going to get up there and lecture and we would take notes. NOPE. We had lots of group excercises that really opened us up and allowed us to connect in a really deep way. I shared my shame and secret desires with people and felt this tremendous joy throughout the workshop.
There were two main takeaways that still stick in my mind today. In fact, I believe they’re internalized. They’re in me. I feel like I think differently now because of these two ideas.
- Making money is very simple.
- I had been doing so much struggling to make money, and it turns out there are so many business models and ways to make it it’s ridiculous. I can still remember the idea of scale. The hardest part to make lots of money is to make a little on your own, without a job. Then you can scale that and go from there. Also, you can deliver and sell to the marketplace directly yourself. That’s pretty cool!
- When you want to grow or make changes, don’t go at it alone.
- Since there were around 35 people who attended the workshop, there was plenty of feedback. There were plenty of attendees who had been through problems I had been through and knew how to solve them. Also, lots of people who could pinpoint where I was going wrong in situations. The group feedback was so valuable. What’s crazy is I got so much from the people attending the workshop, not necessarily the person running it.
Something hit me this past Sunday. I think it was intuition. We’ll be able to tell later on when I look back at the results from using it.
Let Me Google That For You
I want to create a book that’s going to sell well on Amazon. That is a goal. It took me a while to come around to realize that was the goal, but it was.
So I Googled “How to make the Amazon Bestseller List” and came across this article. He states in that article “Read the 5-10 most popular books in your chosen category, and figure out why people love or hate them (i.e. read the reviews).”
Right now I actually have 1 book out on Amazon and one on the way, but I stopped everything to take a look at the top selling books in my category. THEY ARE NOTHING LIKE MY TWO BOOKS! For one, my book is around 30 Kindle pages. The top 15 best selling books in my category average 266 Kindle pages. That’s about 9 times the length of my book. WTF MAN! And that’s just one thing that’s different. THERE ARE SEVERAL THINGS I’M PICKING UP JUST READING THE BEST SELLERS. I haven’t even read the reviews yet and see so many things to improve on.
Something clicked in me and I can see exactly how this works. You don’t read those best selling books with the intention of copying them, but that mixed in with reading the reviews will give you a better glimpse of WHAT THE MARKET HAS ACTUALLY PROVEN IT WILL PAY FOR, how you can differentiate yourself and give the market what it needs/wants.
Guess and Go
I wanted to use guess and go with this Amazon adventure. I did not want to repeat the mistakes of the past and just sit on the sidelines and wait and plan and analyze everything to death so I jumped in head first…and went splat. I feel like I’m closer now to my goal because of Guess and Go, but I also wish I had listened to what people were telling me before I spent this money and time.
I feel like I’ve had a facepalm moment and have to hit the drawing board lol.